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that just won't do

Archive

May
21st
Fri
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Hey, Facebook! Take a memo.

Hey, Facebook! Take a memo.

Dec
7th
Mon
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Hummus, feta and marinated peppers for breakfast? Yes, please!

Hummus, feta and marinated peppers for breakfast? Yes, please!

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A cluster of skyscrapers near my hotel.

A cluster of skyscrapers near my hotel.

Dec
6th
Sun
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I asked for a sedan. They picked me up in Moby Dick.

I asked for a sedan. They picked me up in Moby Dick.

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Test shot before heading to Dubai in a few hours.

Test shot before heading to Dubai in a few hours.

Jun
19th
Fri
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Hello My Fellow Sarcastic Sex Kittens,

For those who graciously emailed back your desired drinking shirt size, they’ve been ordered both comfortably and accordingly. Those who did not, well, not my problem as I hope they fit, kinda. I will thoroughly enjoy seeing the ladies sweater puppets on tight display since I just guessed and may have “accidentally” gotten them a smaller size.

Mike mentioned that he is going to COSTCO n donating burgers and buns for the “grillin” session taking place upon our arrival back to the pad. Ill pick up condom-ints. Vanessa is making jello shots for the limo. BIG THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU! I don’t foresee people needing 2 bring much alcohol for the event, as some will be in limo and at the bars, but u are welcome to pick something up if you would like for the pre-party and BBQ after.

“Committee Members” are placing iron on numbers on the back of each shirt for our multiple SOUND-OFF/POUND-OFFS*. Some have requested a certain “favorite” number (option from 1-18) be placed on their shirt. If you find yourself too busy and important, as some of u must have been too busy to reply to any of my emails I’ve sent, blow me and skip the reach around to the next paragraph. Those who are bored at work or unemployed reading this or anyone laying on their patio sun bathing while they are writing this, email me your fav # u want. Hmmmm… I choose # 11.

* POUND OFF: action verb, UCSB greek origin, when immediate intense consumption of alcohol is used to solve a discrepancy.

Lastly, fashionably late to this event means u are actually fashionably gay, wasting away our time, money and alcohol consumption. I will be home from bloodys and breakfast at The Place in CdM by 11:30am and will continue preparing my liver with whoever wants to come early, as some are coming in from out of area/state. All are welcome for breakfast. Otherwise, see you at 12:30!!

Just remember Focker, YOU + LATE = GAY.

Chaw,

AGT 11

— From one of several million emails I’ve received that are apparently intended for some other Matt Gordon…
Mar
5th
Thu
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Adult sanity…seems to me the only unalloyed form of heroism available today.
— David Foster Wallace, in a letter to Don DeLillo, quoted in the March 9th New Yorker
Jan
29th
Thu
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From my weekly Flickr email update. Two friends, one in MN and one in L.A. I love the equally flat horizon but the completely divergent weather.

From my weekly Flickr email update. Two friends, one in MN and one in L.A. I love the equally flat horizon but the completely divergent weather.

Jan
4th
Sun
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Haiku ode to my new diet

Hungry hungry hung

gry. Hungry hungry hungry

hungry hungry. Starve.

Nov
21st
Fri
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